The Oregonian – Would you like gasoline with those eggs?

By Thepuremassacre
The Oregonian. 2011.

The Oregonian. 2011.

Director: Calvin Reeder
Writer: Calvin Reeder
Stars: Lindsay Pulsipher, Robert Longstreet and Matt Olsen
Country: USA
Release Date: 8 June 2012
Runtime: 81 min

The first time I came across the trailer for The Oregonian, I put that on my gotta watch list; I’m a fan of low budget independent horror. So I hopped right on it when I saw The Oregonian hit crackflix. The synopsis said “A strange young woman goes on the road to leave her past behind.” Sounds simple enough, but the term strange is a major understatement here! Could probably insert psychotic, mind-bending, crazy-ass and righteously fucked right up. Ya, I think those terms would better suit The Oregonian; strange just doesn’t cut it here. Making sense of this film would require large amounts of mushrooms and a degree in psychology from a prominent medical school or the rambling interpretations of a madman. As near as I could tell the woman, who remains unnamed (as far as I know), has either been killed by her jealous boyfriend or died in a bloody car wreck and is on some type of blood soaked trip through the afterlife – warning I could be way off the mark here (it’s a fucked up film). To many strange things happen in a long line of confusing cuts that I can’t really describe a concise plot line here, so I think I will just describe 5 crazy ass scenes to give a feel of what The Oregonian is all about!

– The bloodied young woman stumbles down a rural Oregon road and comes across a minor car wreck. She inspects the car, finding an unconscious person wearing a Gumbi-like frog suit in the drivers seat. A shotgun is there, which she takes and continues down the road.

– An overweight balding man picks up the bloodied young woman in a van. He says nothing to her during a long drive in no particular direction, he stops to take a piss. A long shot of the man pissing shows that his urine changes color from yellow to blood read then to a muddy brownish color. He stumbles and falls face first into his urine, a black tear rolling down his cheek; moments later he gets up and says “I’m fine, I must have had to much for breakfast.”

– The girl and the man end up in a hotel room where the man heads into the bathroom and begins cooking breakfast on a camping stove; in the middle of the night. He pours gasoline onto eggs cooking in a frying pan and then fills a tea cup with gas aswell. Taking a long drink of fuel he stares at himself in the mirror and says, “happy birthday”. The bloodied girl sits at a table in the room while the Gumbi-like frog suit wearing person masturbates outside of the motel room window.

Ohh ya!

Ohh ya!

– The bloodied young woman now accompanied by Gumbi-frog dude, has ended up at a shabby little trailer in the middle of nowhere. She enters said trailer to find three guys hanging out, playing guitar. A TV in the corner shows an image of her suspended in the air (on channel 3). They all drink gasoline from pina-colada glasses and one mans bloodied crotch is shown.

– The young bloodied girl watches herself being raped by some creepy looking blonde guy. She has a large gaping gash on her back which the overweight balding man sees fit to fill with scrambled eggs and a generous amount of gasoline.

Did I like it? I don’t know……..I just don’t know anything anymore. I do know that I shouldn’t mix gasoline and eggs….I think. Smoke alot of shit and check it out. The Oregonian @ IMDb.

Next Up: insanity……

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